About a month ago, I did not know who Nick Bell was. I am not one of those people with encyclopedic knowledge of lineups. Today, I find myself profoundly affected by the short life of this young man.
Of course the way I got to know Nick Bell's name was because of his surgery at Vanderbilt a few weeks ago. Brain tumor removed. I was concerned then. The thought that skin cancer could become a brain tumor sounded bad. The surgery was initially a success. Then very suddenly, over the last three days, Nick's condition deteriorated, and he died this afternoon.
After Nick's initial surgery his doctors came out and said that they were hopeful that one day Nick could again play football. I was very excited to hear this news. Nick had taken over a starting role on the defensive line as a sophomore. Nick coming back to football would be great for MSU. I wouldn't hold it against any fan for thinking that way. In any other case, that may have been how I would have felt. But that is not why I was excited. In this instance, even though I had never met the kid, I was excited because he was going to have a second chance to fulfill what was surely his dream - to play football. The reason its exciting to think of a sophomore good enough to start on an SEC defensive line for the fans, is because it shows talent. From the prospective of the player chasing his dream, this is exciting because it shows him he has the potential to actually make his own dreams come true. So, in that sense, I was genuinely excited he may be able to resume his football career so that he could have another chance to accomplish his goals.
This was buoyed by seeing Nick on the side line during the UAB game. Nick stood on the sidelines talking to his teammates and rooting them on. He had on his jersey with a camouflage cap and pants. He looked every bit the physical specimen you would expect an SEC defensive end to be. The model of health there in good spirits. MSU won the game. The cowbells rang with impermissible abandon. It was all of the pageantry and fuss of homecoming. In short, knowing that was the last game Nick could spend with his teammates, and us, it was perfect.
That was 10 days ago.
Yesterday afternoon when the news came out that Nick had taken a turn for the worse and the team was going to go to Birmingham to see him, I hoped for the best, but figured the worst. Skin cancer is generally on the skin, not the brain. For it to have gotten there, it was likely other places. Indeed, that seems to be the case. Now he is gone, and I never got to meet him, but have been greatly affected by his passing.
First of all, the second chance he got that was then taken away from him. Nick from all accounts I have heard was a hard worker who did not get into trouble and had a team first, not me first, attitude. But his second chance was stripped from him. It made me immediately think of Chris Rainey. Chris Rainey threatened to kill his girlfriend and was suspended from the team at Florida. He has now been welcomed back to the team. Jeremiah Massoli got kicked off the team at Oregon for breaking a number of laws, now he is spending his final year of eligibility intended to be Ole Miss's savior this year. To be fair, it also made me think of Anthony Dixon who got hopped up on Andre and drove around in a parking lot right before his senior year. All those guys got second chances. But not Nick.
The song
Mad World as performed by Adam Lambert on American Idol has been playing in my head. It kinda fits my mood today.
Mississippi State students got together at 7:36 tonight to
celebrate Nick. Seven wins for number 36. In true MSU form, they rang their cowbells for him. His family at Mississippi State will not know the heartache of his football family. He had been with them for three years (he was a redshirt sophomore). Intense heat in camp and intense games on Saturdays no doubt contribute to an intense bond. But even more than that, Nick's mother, Linda Bell, has lost her light. So far down the list am I yet so intense my reflection, I cannot fathom what is going through her mind right now. I hope, at this point, she is just numb.
When you lead the life I have led you get the full range of perspectives. When you are a kid you see these men playing on Saturdays. They look like giants (some of them still do) and are awe inspiring. You get to high school college age, and you see them as peers more or less. Generally, you know somebody that is playing football for your high school or college. Then you get older, approaching the middle section of your life and they change again. Now they are definitely kids. They are kids that are full of talent and promise. They can still be heroes but we now live more vicariously through their actions.
Nick Bell was a kid with promise to me. He never got to fulfill that promise. He was taken so young and so quickly. Ten days ago though, he stood on that sideline with his teammates. He heard the crowd cheering his team on. He was not playing but he was part of the team. For that period he got again to taste a sliver of his dream. And I was part of helping him do that. I will be forever thankful to Nick to have been given that opportunity.
-J